They call me Nono

spring mirage

it’s january - midvintertime

sunny but cold

all the sudden i see dust

whirling from the road

winterdust

of sand and dirt, but dry

all though it is cold

this reminds my heart

of spring

I got a letter

Dear Myself (whoever you are),

I have noticed a lack of something, I don’t know if it is interest or commitment or what, but something is lacking. Are you loosing it? And you look like a star – don’t get me wrong, you are not that shiny thing, but your areas of interest are spread all over it is like you where going to this, that and whatever direction at once. Don’t you believe in anything? Like you just didn’t know in what world you belonged or what worse is, if you belong at all. Like you just pretend to live or as most live just half of it. This makes me a bit sad.

Oh you do a lot all the time – but is your heart in it? It isn’t, I can tell. Does world exist for you? Do you? Haven’t you proven that you can do whatever you want over and over? What more do you need to believe?

There is this constant pain inside your heart. The road of life you walk, it doesn’t give you peace. But is it peace you really want? You know this, don’t you, the learning part and the importance of walking the path? And the truth of spirituality, you can find it everywhere if you open your eyes to see. There is no real world out there – maybe this is the thing that makes you stumble now – the knowledge of what is real.

Oh, I know, you are longing, so much longing in this time. Diffuse and untouchable urge towards something. You know these times, don’t you? Times of change, on the threshold of manifestation.

So, please, you have been knocking on that door so many times before and not had the opportunity to open it, always something missing from the picture. You know that you will encounter everything you long for. Your business is just to understand what it is you see and experience. Those opportunities are often not what you expect them to be. You never know where it comes from. This trains your judging skill.

But the main thing for now seems to be your poor ability to limit the flow. Why do you have to open all the doors at once? You say; ‘be there job’ and you get so much you drown in it. You say;’ be there money’ and it seems to be given (because of the job, mainly). You say; ‘be there writing’ and your job comes in between. Ah, I think that we have found the cause of your longing. And I know darling one, you are longing for someone as well, someone special just for you. The part; ‘be there someone’ is avoiding you.

It doesn’t help you, to long. That special person might come along tomorrow already, and it might take five more years as well. You have lost your faith in that, haven’t you? Well, I don’t blame you. Because who am I kidding here – sitting here and writing to myself, trying to offer solace? So indeed, I know what you want, you want to move along, ahead.

This is the circle and we have come on its own end. The serpent biting its own tail. Just know this, the serpent doesn’t bite its own tail, it bites another serpents tail, you are moving ahead! I prey for you.

With all my love and devotion,

Your own Self

it dreamt me

.

i dip my hand in the river
it runs thru my fingers
adapting
accepting my bodily presence
exchanging temperature
cell-memoirs
this is more than air
less than land
it is all
and
it dreamt me
at times wondering
questioning why
would such a dream
become true?

.